Laughter is often the best medicine

Photo Courtesy of Ed Biagiotti GO AHEAD AND LAUGH-Sr. Lucia and Sr. Chelsea Moxley Davis at Pauline Books and Media appreciate the value of a good laugh.

“You grow up the day you have the first real laugh- at yourself.” – Ethel Barrymore

I used to believe that being serious was a sign of maturity. I thought that people would only respect me if I was taking life seriously. I have to come to see that real maturity means being sincere about life while maintaining a sense of humor. I have found that laughing at myself when I am getting stuck in my head is a very healthy practice. By laughing at myself I let the people around me off the hook. They see that they do not have to pretend to be perfect in my presence and this adds depth to our relationship. With kids, I find that laughter opens us up to new ideas and real friendship.

When I was growing up, I was terrified to admit that I didn’t know something. I would often pretend to know things, or put other people down to cover up my sense of inadequacy. I acted serious about the very things that I was insecure about. When working with students, I find that the kids who can acknowledge, and even laugh at their challenges have the best experiences and the easiest time in school.

For those who are unable to laugh at the challenges they are facing, life can be hard. I know because for the longest time I struggled with my struggles rather than accepting them and looking for solutions. Eventually I learned that it is my choice to view challenges as an opportunity for growth or something I feel ashamed of.

As the Inclusion Specialist for CCUSD, I feel compassion toward our students who do not feel safe enough to admit when they don’t know something. To these students it can feel like the world is always laughing at them and can lead to lashing out at others. In the lunch groups that I facilitate, I offer students an opportunity to acknowledge their challenges and detach from the belief that these conditions somehow make them less then others. Students light up when I admit that I also feel scared of being seen as stupid. They are inspired as we laugh together at the silly thoughts that go through my head when I am afraid to admit that I do not know the answer to a question for fear of what others might think of me.

I have a student who has a history of acting out, including putting his hands on other students and adults. He is only in second grade, however, he never wants to appear wrong or out of control. When I ask simple things of him I have to remind him that he is safe, and that he is not being ridiculed.

This week during lunch group he was feeling happy until I asked another student to prop the door open. This young man wanted the door closed and ran over to close it. The student who opened the door was still in the doorway and was nearly knocked over. When I explained to my friend that we were going to leave the door open so that other students could enter I could see that he was getting very agitated. This simple request set off his fear of looking stupid and he grabbed a chair and pushed it across the floor.

It was tempting to match his fear with my own, and flex my authority. Instead, I looked him in the eye and let him know that everything was okay. I told him that he could close the door after a couple of minutes if no one else came. I intentionally treated him with the respect that he was not giving himself. I wanted him to know that it was okay to let his guard down, that he did not have to be in control, and that it was not about being right. Afterward, he calmed down and enjoyed the rest of the group, especially closing the door when I told him it was okay.

It is not always easy to be vulnerable when fears arise within us. What we fear seems very real in those moments. If, however, we gently remind ourselves that it is all okay, we open up to new experiences. When we laugh at our seeming shortcomings, we move through life more gracefully.

It also allows us to extend more compassion toward others. Think about an area in your life that you are pretending to be in control, or to know more than you really do. Then look at yourself in the mirror and have a good laugh. Remind yourself that everything is okay, and that letting your guard down is not the end of the world. In fact, it is the doorway to a brighter world where it is safe to be who you really are.

Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week, Wednesdays at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius. com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.