School is starting up again here in Culver City. The buzz is in the air. For teachers, parents, and students, things are about to change.
Anytime things start changing, our feelings can start to change as well. We can experience excitement and wonder about things to come. We can also experience fear, worry, and anxiety. More often than not, we experience a mixed bag of feelings.
Taking some time to listen to whatever is present can be a real eye opener. The things that worry me may not be an issue at all for my son. The things that do concern him may never have even occurred to me.
This is why active listening is so important. When I take the time to listen to my son, I can address his concerns and not confuse them with my own.
Practicing the “I hear you” game can be really valuable. I ask my son how he feels about the upcoming school year and then simply listen.
My only job is to say, “I hear you.” When I am willing to hold an open space for my son, I find that I can support him in coming up with his own empowered solutions to whatever challenges he is facing.
I use this same tool with my students, the parents I work with, and every other relationship that I have.
Last week my son, who is about to start fourth grade, told my wife that he thought he had learned enough and no longer needed to go to school. He said that his career choices did not need anymore education than he had already received.
My wife simply listened and affirmed that he had indeed learned to read and learned much about the basics of math. Then she gave him space to think about it a bit more.
Within moments, he told her that he liked school so for now we will keep on going. This is a great example of active listening.
Encouraging our son to imagine the very best in his life can be a great point of connection between us. Today I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he is feeling nothing but excitement about going into fourth grade.
I asked him to tell me about the things he was looking forward to. He told me all about the new playground, and the opportunity to meet new classmates. His natural enthusiasm is so infectious that I felt equally excited for him, and for my own new year of teaching.
That is why I find active listening so rewarding. More often than not I learn about myself and come away inspired.
Another helpful strategy for smoothly moving through times of change is to take the time to be with myself, or with a good listening friend, and find out what thoughts and feelings are present in me.
I reduce some of the stress that can come up during transitional times if I take responsibility for my own emotions in this way.
Sometimes I prefer to write out my feelings. I find it easier to admit that I feel anxious or sad about the going back to school when I have a pen in my hand. It is like turning on the light in a dark room. All of a sudden the thoughts and feelings that I had been running from are not so scary anymore, and a sense of well being can come in.
Once I connect with myself, I like to take some time to imagine best case scenarios for the year ahead. What would my ideal year be like? Who do I look forward to seeing at school? What are the benefits of my son being back in school?
It is okay to look at the bright side. In fact, it can make all the difference in the world, opening me up to all of the exciting possibilities that I might have missed otherwise.
Before we know it, tomorrow will be just another day at school. In the meanwhile, take a few moments to check in with yourself and your children. It is amazing what a little listening can do.
Within every change is a great new present waiting to be discovered.
