It’s easy to react when someone says something offensive. It might even be something we think they said, or that someone else thinks they said, which sets us off. If we are already feeling stressed, it is easy to fire off an email, phone call, or text message to set that person straight. It is in those moments that it is wise to take a break and reconsider.
Just this week, I had an incident in which a student told me something that his teachers had said regarding the lunch groups. What the young person told me hurt my feelings and put me on the defensive. I was tempted to tell the student about my displeasure and then thought better of it. It took a great deal of will power to thank the boy and go back to my room to consider my next steps.
As I sat in my office, I realized that, in truth, I was feeling stressed even before the boy had told me about what his teacher had told him. As I sat there, I recognized that the best thing for me to do would be to tend to my own upset feelings. I reminded myself that I could decide how to proceed with the teachers later, that there was no rush. It was not easy to admit to myself that I had been doubting my value as a teacher that day. It felt like it would have been easier to lash out at the other teachers, and blame them for my foul mood.
Thankfully, I decided to take inventory. I made a list of all the things that make me a good teacher, and an asset to the school district. I also focused on the positive experiences I had with students and staff throughout the earlier part of my day. It was not long before my attitude shifted. I felt lighter and less concerned about what I thought those other teachers were thinking about me. In fact, I felt more compassionate, recognizing that if they had indeed told this student what he thought he heard, then they must have been feeling as stressed as I had been just moments earlier.
After a few minutes of getting my self into a more relaxed, clear thinking state of mind, I was ready to see my students as they walked through the door. While the group had its share of challenges, I was in a much better state of mind to facilitate the session. If I had not taken the time to adjust my own perspective, I have no doubt that those students would have felt some of the negative repercussions. It might have come through in my demeanor, or my attitude toward them.
If you are feeling stressed about a relationship, or something going on at work, the first thing to tend to is your own mental and emotional states. It can be challenging, yet is entirely worth it, to acknowledge whatever is present for you. Remind yourself of your own value. Give yourself a break. When you return to the subject, you will have more clarity about how to proceed. You will likely realize that it was never as personal as it was feeling at the time. If you are lucky, you might find out that it was all in your head.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com or send an email to: EdwardBiagiotti@ccusd.org
