“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” – Helen Keller
This week I was in Orange County, helping out my parents. My father had emergency surgery and needed help getting in and out of bed. While lifting him required physical energy, it took more mental energy to keep my spirits high while I watched my father go through this challenging experience. Spending time with my mother and father, gave me a great opportunity to practice focusing on the positive.
Focusing on the positive in life is not always easy. As I found out this week, seeing my father in a vulnerable state brought up deep feelings of sadness, and thoughts of being powerless in the face of the conditions around me. It would have been easy to go down the road of self-pity, and lose hope.
Instead, with the help of some great friends and family, I was able to acknowledge those feelings and thoughts, without getting caught in them. I was able to use the tools I have to redirect my focus onto what is going well, and what good will come out of this situation. Though it was not always easy, it was worth it.
The positives in life always outweigh the negatives when I am willing to invest some mental energy into looking for them. Sometimes that means reminding myself of the obvious, yet often under-appreciated details that are all around me. It might be the beauty of the trees and the blue sky, or the coolness of the air conditioning on a hot day. I might also remind myself that I am married to a wonderful person, living in a beautiful city, raising an amazing son, and doing what I love for a living.
As I get the ball rolling in a positive direction, it gets easier to add to the list. This week, watching my father go through his physical trials, this simple practice transformed my experience from one of struggle to one of appreciation for the opportunity to serve the man who lovingly raised me.
When I work with students who have been struggling in school, I use this tool to create a vision for their success. Typically, these students have lost sight of the good and have gotten into a negative spiral. This spiral is often reinforced by their grades and their interactions with teachers and peers. I find that by sitting back and observing their situation from a neutral perspective, I am able to recognize the positive factors and potential for success that has been overlooked. In fact, I have never met a student who did not have the potential to succeed in school, and in life outside of school. The timing of this success revolves around their willingness to explore new ways of thinking, and to practice shifting their focus from what is wrong to what is right.
I worked with two students who were involved with legal trouble, and had been neglecting their school work completely. As I worked with them, I could see that their problems were not due to a lack of intelligence or even resources. Their greatest challenge was their ability, and willingness, to learn how to focus their mind on the positive aspects of their lives, and then take simple steps in the direction of their success. In these students’ cases, they both ran away before we had time to reap the rewards of our time together. In one case, the student was one or two classes away from earning his diploma. I continue to send love to these two young men to this day, knowing that in due time, they will come around.
I work with other students who simply need one voice in their lives to reinforce the positive aspects of who they are and what they are capable of achieving. These students come alive with enthusiasm and have immediate results in and out of the classroom. They were looking for a reason to believe in the positive, and were receptive to the simple changes required to have an improved experience. I learn about myself from all of my students. In some situations I find myself acting like the eager students, and in others I am more reluctant to believe in the positive possibilities. In both cases I have learned to be gentle with myself and accept it all as part of my process of living.
If there is an area of your life that is pulling your focus in a negative direction, I encourage you to find some time to shift your perspective. Although it might feel futile at first, it will not take long before you start seeing signs of positive change. For me, I was able to lovingly support my mother and father, to celebrate the good, and move gracefully through the challenges, because I was constantly recalibrating my mind to positive outcomes.
The tricky part is convincing yourself to try shifting to a positive perspective. The easiest way I have found is to write a list of what is going well. You can start with things unrelated to the situation that is troubling you and then, once you gain some positive momentum, add some positive details related to that situation. The sooner you find the silver lining, the sooner the challenge turns into a success.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to HYPERLINK “http://www.DarrellandEd.com” www.DarrellandEd.com. Visit HYPERLINK “http://www.TappingIntoGenius.com” www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.
