I am beyond sick and tired of watching the nightly news and listening to another peevish whiner who is outraged and offended by a trivial matter. They indignantly demand an immediate apology as well as the offender being fired from their job or position. Of course, the two most obvious professions where many of these crybabies reside are politics and show business. Many of these spoiled, pampered elitists love playing the “I’m offended” card. Boo-hoo, somebody called my prize German Sheppard a mangy mutt when I was walking him the other day. Well pal, I’m offended that you mollycoddled, privileged snobs are so easily insulted. When did we become so collectively wimpy as a country that we are now constantly searching for new and improved ways to be offended. They’re just words! They only hurt if you let them. Here’s a little suggestion for you. The next time somebody “offends” you by saying something you don’t like, call them a jerk or a fool and move on. Being offended is a state of mind. You’ll be okay, it won’t sting for long. Suck it up and forget it.
Personally, I’m not even sure what being offended feels like. I understand anger, irritation and exasperation, but not offended. And if I do “offend” someone, what should be my punishment? As we often joked back in the day- -give me 50 lashes with a wet noodle. When searching for clarity and inner peace, I often turn to a trusted, reliable source–Google. I googled “being offended” and discovered a refreshing bit of sound, rational advice.
I’ll start you out with a quote from Honest Abe himself: “We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it,” Abraham Lincoln. If you find yourself being too easily offended too often, here’s a checklist that might explain why.
Do you explode in fits of anger over little things?
Do others say you make mountains out of mole hills?
Do you frequently take things the wrong way?
Do others feel they have to “walk on eggshells” around you?
Do others consider you “high maintenance”? (Reminds me of a couple ex-girlfriends).
Here are three pearls of wisdom that I believe just might assist you in becoming less sensitive and needy in the future.
One: Assume a benevolent motive. Unless proven otherwise (you don’t want to become someone’s dupe), assume the person in question has noble intent. Maybe the language was clumsy, maybe even ill-advised, but assume a good heart. That should take the sting out of the bite and put some happiness back in your day. So don’t hold on to the words people use to get at the thing they are trying to express. Hear the idea and ignore the clumsiness of the expression.
Two: Overcome self-centeredness. The it’s-all-about-me mentality is fertile soil for being frequently offended. Every word out of every mouth, every action or inaction, all that is done or undone, all motives and intentions become a reflection on you. That is a HUGE burden to carry. If everything is reduced to how it affects you, if you reside at the center of everything, no wonder you are so frequently offended! Move away from the center of everyone else’s life. You likely aren’t really there anyway. Nor should you be, in most cases. Allow most of life to be indifferent to you. My bad mood isn’t about you. Your mom’s neglect isn’t even about you either. It’s about her! This way less in life will offend you and happiness will be much less fleeting too. Besides, they’re entitled to their opinion. So let them have it … cheerfully!
Three: Reserve judgment. Finish the discussion. Let the talk continue to its natural end. So often we jump to conclusions, assume an ill intent, create meaning to a word that then hurts and offends. Resist that urge and delay judgment until the conversation has run its course. You just may find there is no offense to be had by the time you get to the end. Try to remember, the next time you are feeling offended by someone’s words–some people are just plain stupid!
Pete Whalon, author of “The Siagon Zoo” has called Southern California home since age five.
