“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl
For most of us, thinking is something that happens outside the realm of our control. We think that our thoughts are a part of who we are and who we always will be. As a result, life often feels limited by the narrow scope of our responses. It seems like things happen, we react, and that is the end of the story.
Thankfully, there is more to the story than that. Between the things that happen and our reaction to those things, we have a choice. While our mind may react instantly, we get to choose whether or not we agree with those reactions. We can either go with our initial reaction or take a moment to redirect our thoughts. The choices we make in those moments can produce very different outcomes.
I was walking to lunch one day when a herd of middle school students came rushing past me. I knew right away that a fight was brewing. I then noticed one of my students at the center of the pack, clearly ready to engage an opponent. I had a decision to make. I could I walk away and leave the matter to security, or attempt to stop the student from getting involved.
Rather than step in front of a moving train, I decided to walk along the side of the pack. I spoke in a loud voice that I knew my student would hear. I reminded the student that the weekend was almost here and that it would be a shame to spend it getting in trouble. I then added that I trusted him to make a good choice and went about my business.
The next time I saw this young man, he was not happy with me. He let me know that he had really wanted to fight that boy. He said that my words made him think twice and he had opted out of the fight. We exchanged a moment of mutual appreciation and then got on with the day’s lesson.
Often, when we decide to change our thinking, we attempt to bully our mind into thinking or doing something new. We call ourselves names and get pumped up to turn over a new leaf. This approach sounds good and looks as though we are truly going to make a difference in our lives. While this creates short term results, we inevitably burn out and resume our old patterns of thinking and acting.
There is another approach to change that does bring lasting results. As I demonstrated in the case of the young man on his way to the fight, we can coax our mind lovingly and firmly in the direction of what we desire. We do this by reminding ourselves of our own value. Amazingly, as we remember our own worthiness, our mind naturally gravitates toward more inspired and effective thoughts. It is the love we show to ourselves which ultimately creates lasting results.
Perhaps you have been wanting to make a change in some area of your life and have felt stuck. Rather than applying more pressure, it is time to relax. Take some time to appreciate the good you have done and the progress you have made. Think about why you want to make the changes and how you will feel when they arrive. This type of thinking actually creates an easier pathway for your subconscious mind to follow. It is like bribing a child with candy. As you practice talking lovingly about yourself and your goals, you will see new results. You will remember that life is not a battle. Life is more like a game; it was meant to be fun.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. For questions, comments, and ideas for future columns, send an email to: EdwardBiagiotti@ccusd.org
