“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” – Abraham Lincoln
It is interesting how varied our opinions and perspectives on life can be. What is happening around us and what we think about what is happening are two different things. If we take the time to develop the ability to discern between our opinion and the facts in any situation, then we can choose to focus on thoughts that work for us, rather than against us.
Recently, I came out of my front gate and found a parking officer standing next to my vehicle. She was preparing to issue a ticket because the plate number on my parking permit did not match the plate on my car. Actually, there is no plate on my car because it is brand new.
I ran out, yelling at the officer to get her attention, and she stopped to hear me out. As I stood, ranting about the confusion and the injustice of being penalized for having a new car, she nodded and told me to get a visitor permit. Then she took the old permit and told me I could pick it up at the city parking office if I needed it.
My son witnessed the whole event and had a very different experience of the scene then I did. Whereas I was revved up and combative, he simply said, “Good thing that lady was so kind. She listened to you and did not give you a ticket.”
Rather than argue with him, I let what he was saying sink in.
This story is an example of how my opinion about what was going on, and the facts, did not match up. Things were going in my favor, and I almost argued my way into trouble. Although it took some will power, I was able to choose how I was going to hold the experience in my mind. With a simple shift of perspective, prompted by some words of wisdom from my son, it did not take long for me to get back into the flow of appreciation.
If I had made the choice to stay angry, I could have told the story to other eager ears, and my day would have gone totally different. I would have stayed angry longer, and missed out on a perfectly relaxing Saturday. I would have also reinforced a belief that the world is full of injustice, when, in my case, this simply was not true.
When we find ourselves getting tangled up in conflict, it is our willingness to let go of our side of the story that can either facilitate, or stand in the way, of us recognizing just how good life really is. The sooner we can muster the willingness to let go of our gripes and find the positives in a situation, the sooner we feel energized and empowered. Real empowerment comes from an inner knowing that life is on our side.
I had a student who was always fighting with the injustices of the school system and the absurdity of the assignments he was being asked to complete. While he had valid points, the fighting and resisting of the work was actually creating more work for him. It was costing him energy, robbing him of rest, and bringing more meetings with the very system that he was sitting in judgment of.
As I listened to this young man, I respected how upset he was with the current state of education. As our trust grew, I helped him to recognize the amount of energy he was spending fighting against the system. In time, he lightened up and stopped fighting. He started completing his assignments and the weight of the adult world fell from his shoulders so that he could enjoy his days again.
If there is something bothering you at work, or at home, take a moment to reflect on what is going on. Make a list of your opinions about what is happening, and then list the facts. You can also make a list of the positive things that you might have been willingly, or unknowingly, overlooking.
The more you focus on the good that is happening, the better you will feel. As your appreciation grows, so will your confidence. You will begin to let your guard down as you recognize the fact that you are supported in more ways that you can possibly imagine.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.
