One of the important national holidays of the year has come and gone, and I missed it. I didn’t even remember it was coming around and I don’t recall hearing much about it. I didn’t send cards and I didn’t actively participate; now I feel a little part of me is missing.
I’m not talking about Thanksgiving on Nov. 24 or even National Eat a Cashew Day on Nov. 23. I’m talking about Jimmy Kimmel’s second annual National Facebook Unfriend Day that occurred on Nov. 17. Last year, I was so liberated on this day. I felt it was a good time to go ahead and show myself the very best by deleting those I didn’t really care about so much. It was a spiritual cleansing with an excuse because everyone else in the country was busy deleting people they didn’t like either.
I can’t be the only one on the planet who is Facebook friends with someone I either 1) don’t know or 2) don’t want to know, right? Maybe a pity friendship? Maybe a casual acquaintance that I’ve never deleted? An accidental click of a “confirm” rather than an “ignore” to a friend request?
But how does one decide on who stays and who goes?
Fortunately, Jimmy Kimmel has a point system created to identify those who make the Facebook cut: “If they change their profile picture more than once a month,” five points. “If they took their profile picture in the bathroom mirror using a cell phone,” five points. “If they’ve ever posted more than three photos of food, that’s 5 points each.” “If they’ve ever posted the phrase, ‘OMG, my friends are the best,’” five points. Whoever racks up 50 points gets the boot.
I prefer to go through my friend list and if I can’t tell myself one key fact about the individual, they’re gone. Additionally, if someone rants too much, talks about their kids too much or tries to sell me products from their latest home business, the unfriend axe shall drop. (Those of us who talk too much about our dogs, however, are awesome and hilarious and full of compassion, caring and life.)
Last year, I deleted more than 300 “friends.” I’m not kidding. I agree with Kimmel that nobody has 2,000 friends. Nobody, and I’m certainly not an exception, so this day is a little ray of light on my otherwise bogged-down newsfeed. 1980s rap artist Biz Markie agrees, saying “Just unfriend.” But now I’m torn; do I wait for next year’s Facebook Unfriend Day or do I just go ahead and do it, like, on a random Tuesday? Is that living too much on the edge?
I think I’ll take my chances and do some “winter cleaning” this weekend – it’s decided.
And if you’re one of the unlucky few who find themselves cast aside like yesterday’s social networking platform (that was an extreme joke/thinly veiled MySpace reference that I find funny because I’m a geek), then the blow of being unfriended might be lessened by William Shatner. Let Shatner talk you off the ledge and put your woes to rest.
Holly Braithwaite is the communication director at Utah System of Higher Education. She lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, with her miniature pinscher, Rico Tubbs.
