When the people around us are going through tough times or even feeling grouchy, it is tempting to bring down our own mood to match theirs. Many of us feel as though it is rude or inconsiderate to be joyful when someone else is struggling. Unfortunately, when we dim our own light in an attempt to not offend someone, we lose touch with the very energy that could inspire them. This leads to power struggles, resentment, and all manner of unnecessary drama.
Rather than being rude, choosing to feel good is the best thing we can do for others. As teachers, we must learn to generate our own sense of wellness, regardless of how the students we teach may be feeling. By choosing to stay connected to our joy and enthusiasm, we are able to direct our students in a positive direction. When we do this, our time together becomes an oasis for hope in the lives of young people who may not be finding that anywhere else.
I had a student who always came to class with a cynical attitude. He would question everything and frequently act as though what we were doing was beneath him. At times, it was very tempting to match his negative attitude and show him who was the boss. Unfortunately, this approach never brought long term results.
What worked with this student was making the decision that he would not be the emotional leader in our relationship. Rather than feel offended by his criticism, I would marvel at how hard he was trying to convince me that what we were doing was not worth his time. I would then enthusiastically remind him and the other students why it was indeed important to learn what we were learning. If a one on one discussion was required, I would talk to him outside of the group, rather than challenging him in front of the others.
At first, the student was stunned. When I did not react, he tried harder to get an argument out of me. In time, however, things changed. This student started approaching me outside of class with a greeting. Mutual respect developed because he felt that I respected him. He could see that I was also respecting myself, even when he attempted to be disrespectful.
Perhaps you have been letting others dictate the way you feel. If so, do not worry, most of us were taught that if we are upset that someone else is to blame. The good news is that you can start right now to reclaim your power. You can declare to yourself that you decide how you feel and let go of whatever personal grudges and ideas have been holding you hostage. Shake off the idea that outside conditions dictate your emotional state. Go out, or stay in, and feel good for the fun of it.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District and the cohost of the inspirational podcast “Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed” on iTunes. For questions, comments, and ideas for future columns, send an email to EdwardBiagiotti@ccusd.org
