After an extensive conversation with friends the other night, the topic of micro-pigs came up: itty bitty pigs available for purchase on a number of websites, my favorite being teacuppigsforsale.com. This topic quickly turned into one regarding the owning of an entire miniature farm, and then I confessed my love of alpacas.
For those of you who are “alpacilliterate” and don’t know what I’m talking about, an alpaca is a South American herd animal bred for its lovely coat, which is turned into fiber used for textiles. That’s all well and good, but I love their little faces and the fact each one looks like it has bangs. Subsequently, I want to put glitter and makeup on alpacas the world over.
Fake eyelashes, pink blush, rhinestones – I want to dress up each and every alpaca like it was a ballroom dancer. Forgive me if you feel this is cruel; I want to do this out of love.
I don’t know if I should be admitting this, but for quite some time now, I’ve had a strange, obsessive love for alpacas. It’s true, and it feels good to get it off my chest. “Hi, my name is Holly and I’m an ‘alpacaholic.’” I’m proud to say that my friends support me so that one day, I might hope to join AOBA (Alpaca Owners and Breeders Association) and raise alpacas for fun and profit.
One day I hope to travel to Peru and see alpacas in their natural surroundings, which I picture might be something like this:
Scene opens in a village marketplace resembling something between a Moroccan bazaar and a sidewalk sale at mall. There are brightly colored dresses hanging on either side of the street and lovely alpacas are mingling throughout the booths, politely saying hello to each other as they bat their eyelashes and shop for new clothes. And handbags. And shoes.
Holly, wide-eyed and full of wonder, is taking in the sight when a lovely brown alpaca walks up to her.
Holly: Well hello there, Mr. Paca.
Alpaca: (Bows his head.) Please, call me Al.
Holly: Al, you are lovely. Might we go back to my hotel, where I can plug in my curling iron and give the front part of your hair the “Farrah flip” made so popular in the 1970s television show “Charlie’s Angels?”
Al: Of course (nuzzles the size of Holly’s cheek with his fuzzy, little face). But don’t forget the fake eyelashes and makeover.
Holly: I love you, Al.
Al: I love you too, Holly.
And so it goes. The two walk through the marketplace, hand in hoof, into the sunset.
Beautiful, isn’t it?
Holly Braithwaite is the communication director at Utah System of Higher Education. She lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, with her miniature pinscher, Rico Tubbs.
