Everyday we encounter a wide variety of people and experiences. Things are constantly changing. When one chapter ends, a new one begins. No matter how much we figure out, there will always be another mystery to solve. As a result, we all benefit from learning how to give ourselves a break when we lose our way.
Too often, we go into blame mode when things are not going the way we imagine they should. It is usually a combination of self-criticism and pointing fingers at others. At these times, we are more likely too lose our cool and say things and act in ways that we might later regret. As such, these are the moments when we must learn to pause and administer some self-care.
This is the approach we take with the students in our district. When students are having issues with their peers or teachers, it is important to find out what else is going on behind the scenes. When we do, things begin to make more sense. The things that are happening at school are indicators of what is going on in these young peoples’ lives as a whole. It is the burden of carrying inner conflicts that leaves little room for the higher order thinking required in the classroom. When we identify and resolve the inner conflicts, the outer troubles begin to take care of themselves.
I was working with a student who was having trouble completing assignments. It was clear that it was not due to a lack of ability. As a result of his academic difficulties, he was also getting into conflicts with his mother. There was a snowball effect which was further hindering his academic progress. Much of our time together was spent talking and shining a light on what was going on in the young man’s mind.
It turned out that he felt frustrated with what he perceived to be a general lack of support for his real passion, computer programming. Over time, as the young man felt heard and respected, his guard started to drop. We worked together to help him see that completing his assignments was much easier than he was making it out to be and that the benefits of doing so were worth exploring. As he opened up to new possibilities, he started completing his assignments and experienced more success. He also adopted a more forgiving view of the adults in his life. This opened the door for greater collaboration as a team. As a result, his grades improved and he was afforded more time and appreciation for his gifts as a computer programmer.
Many of us feel stifled in some way. We might spend time lamenting how our lives have turned out. Thankfully, now is the perfect time to drop that story. It is time to write a new story. One that is full of appreciation of who we are and what we have become. As we release the grip of blame, new doors begin to open and our natural energy and enthusiasm returns.
If you have been carrying too much mental and emotional baggage, take heart. It is easier than you think to give yourself a well-deserved break. As you slow down and take a higher perspective on your life, you will find that you have much to be grateful for. As you shift from blame to appreciation, you will find that you are in the perfect position to move boldly in the direction of your heart’s desires. It is always worth the effort to get back on track with who you are.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. For questions, comments, and ideas for future columns, send an email to: EdwardBiagiotti@ccusd.org
