“More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.” – Charlie Chaplin
I have noticed that the students who give their teachers the most grief are the students who are quick to grab for supplies, often taking them out of someone’s hand in such a way that startles them.
They are also quick to raise their voice in order to be heard, even if I am listening attentively.
I have been focusing on this set of behaviors lately and wondering what they have in common. It has come to my attention that these are often the students who do not trust that their needs will be met.
This has been a real eye opener. This insight has informed the way I communicate with these students.
In the past I would become reactive around these kids. I would focus my energy on getting them to quiet down, sit down or be “nice,” and lose track of the lesson I had planned.
I would end up raising my voice and grabbing things out of the hands of my students. In short, I was mirroring their behavior, rather than modeling the solution.
Now I have started taking a different approach. Knowing what is motivating my students to talk loudly, and grab quickly, I speak more directly to their fears, and also to their potential.
For example, in one lunch group, we did an art project this week. In the beginning I reminded my students that there were plenty of supplies for everyone. I assured them that they would each get what they needed.
When one of my students started talking loudly and grabbing a marker from a friend, I reminded her that there is enough for everyone and that if she took a breath and asked me, I would gladly give her a marker.
After a few reminders, she calmed down and worked more cooperatively with her peers.
Over time, this approach starts to retrain the mind, to move from desperate and fearful, to trusting and considerate.
With some students this takes longer than others. I am still working on believing in the abundance of my world, so I completely understand where they are coming from.
There are times when I find myself feeling the urge to be pushy when I am running late, or if I am afraid that the last chocolate chip scone might be gone before I get to the register. It is the same basic fear that my students sometimes feel.
I practice retraining my own thoughts in the direction of knowing that all of my needs will be met. I read inspirational books that remind me that being kind and patient, without attachment to what might happen, ends up bringing more of everything I desire.
Often, I get what I want in the funniest and most unexpected ways. It always comes when I am relaxed and open to receive.
I am finding my words more effective as I lovingly reassure my students that we are all going to get our needs met, and that we are all worthy of having our needs met. I see my students relax as they tap into their own connection to genius. That equals more than enough fun for everyone.
