A Boomer is classified as someone who was born from 1946 to 1964. So, if you are 48 to 66 years old, consider yourself a proud member of the Baby Boomer generation. Being born in 1949, I myself am a genuine Boomer. Growing up Catholic, I always dreaded confession. That’s where you confess to a priest your sins committed since your last declaration of guilt. Well lately a number of past transgressions in my formative years committed (which I blame on my Boomer status) have been weighing heavily on my mind. I will now gladly unburden my troubled soul. I believe some of these prior indiscretions may have been against the law, or at least just flat-out wrong. For these I sincerely apologize and beg forgiveness. You be the judge, or priest.
Between the ages of 12 and 18, I, Pete Whalon:
Repeatedly drank water from a garden hose.
Ripped off hundreds of $500 bills from the Monopoly game bank while my goofy friends weren’t looking.
Threw lit firecrackers in my neighbors backyard to freak out his mangy German Shepherd. Often snuck into the Fox Redondo movie theater by way of the side doors.
Called numerous liquor stores and asked, “do you have Prince Albert in a can?” When the answer was yes, I replied, “You better let him out!”
Carelessly disposed paper and plastic products in with regular garbage.
Pulled down some wimpy kids pants in gym class, for which I received stinging paddle swats from the coaches. I guess I already paid for those sins.
Placed a whoopee cushion under my English teacher Mrs. Rappaport’s chair pillow during class. She always laughed.
During our dreaded liver dinners at my house, skillfully palmed pieces of the disgusting meat and fed my beloved dog Pal. Sorry mom, but it was liver.
Told Susan Gilmore in 6th grade that I loved her and would be rich someday. For the record– I did love her, but unfortunately never struck it rich.
Told my dad on the first night he let me drive his ’55 Mercury and returned it with a dented fender, “Some idiot hit me while I was parked at the Fox Redondo movie theater”(I did sneak in that night). Truthfully I hit a parked car and bolted out of there like a frightened rabbit. Sorry, dude.
Hit a baseball through sweet old Mrs. Wheeler’s back window and ran like the wind, hiding behind Mr. Ragel’s wooden shed until Mrs. Wheeler tired of looking for the culprit. For the record, years late,r I often helped Mrs. Wheeler carry groceries into her kitchen, successfully exhibiting penance for my sins. I wasn’t all bad.
Drove out of the Torrance Drive Inn and forgot to remove the car speaker from the window and ripped it from its post…several times.
And last, but not least, told my mom I was going to Bob’s house to do homework; however went to the Fox Redondo to see the forbidden, bloodcurdling movie The Tingler. I had nightmares for months after.
For the Boomers reading this confession, I believe you might be able to relate to some of these bad behaviors. If I might pass on some accrued wisdom… it’s time in your life to lighten up. Enough with the overblown political correctness– take pleasure in life. I must admit, I’ve never been offended in my life. I’ve been pissed off, disgusted, disappointed, amused, dumbfounded and infuriated, but never offended! So, calm down, look for the best in people, and when they let you down, tell them to their face and move on. Life is truly short, work at enjoying the time given to you.
