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By Sandra Coopersmith

Change can be scary and disorienting, disrupting one’s emotional compass. And that’s when Shirley Hirschberg’s abilities as a guide come into play.

Hirschberg, a social worker and lifestyle counselor who originated the Bereavement/Life Transitions Group at Culver City’s Temple Akiba, packs a lot of wisdom, compassion and life experience into her petite frame.

“My sister was killed at 19 in a head-on collision when the driver of the oncoming car was blinded by the sun,” she said. “I was 15. My parents were very emotional and I had no one to talk to. I felt I needed to make up for her loss and went into therapy in my early 20s, but I don’t think my therapist and I related well. Although this will always be a part of me, in the process of working with people, I heal myself.”

But her path to healing took a detour for several years.

At 23, Hirschberg was the assistant to the fundraiser of the Democratic National Committee.

“The Democrats lost, so I lost my job,” she said.

She then held an administrative position with top security clearance in the aerospace industry, but while the job and the people were fine, it wasn’t what she wanted to do, so with her husband Jack’s blessing, she returned to school to complete her B.A. in sociology and social work.

“I was terrified,” Hirschberg recalled. “I was used to the security of the job I’d held for many years. But it was time to follow my dream. Jack ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches for dinner. 

“One advantage of going back to school later in life was that I was a very good student because I already had my Saturday night date, something many of these kids were focused on. I could concentrate on my studies. Jack, who has a doctorate in American literature, even reviewed my term papers. I would not have been able to do this without his support.”

Having volunteered with an organization that assisted abused children, Hirschberg, expecting to work with children as a social worker, applied to the Los Angeles Free Clinic after obtaining her degree. 

“It was perfect for me,” she sighed. “I was assured I’d have the job but there was still one person to interview. She turned out to have years of experience, so she got it. I was devastated!”

“One Friday night right after that job fell through, I was sharing my tale of woe [a woman]…and she asked if I’d ever thought of working in the HIV/AIDS community.”

That led to volunteering at AIDS Healthcare Foundation and a short stint as a paid employee. In the process of working with people who were dying, some of whom were comatose, Hirschberg also started working with their partners, families and friends, and received certification as a bereavement counselor through Cedars-Sinai Medical Center’s then-active hospice division. 

“We joined Temple Akiba in 1998,” she said. “When Jack became president in 2000 I spoke with Rabbi Maller about setting up a bereavement/life transitions group as a way of expressing my commitment to the temple and he agreed.”

Rabbi Zachary Shapiro praised Hirschberg’s contribution: “It’s not only that she touches people’s lives, that’s a given. But she goes beyond. Shirley gives people the tools to wake up in the morning, to find meaning following loss and to create purpose … she has a depth of wisdom that is beautiful and rare.”

“They saved me,” said a member of the Temple Akiba group, who started attending shortly after her husband’s death. “They listened to me cry. It’s such a safe place. Even among my close friends I can’t say the things I say there.”

In 2002 after talking with several women about HIV/AIDS, Hirschberg realized they were “totally ill-informed about the disease and did not comprehend the degree of pain and suffering.” So with the support of Rabbi Maller and other temple members, she spearheaded an AIDS Day event on Dec. 1, which coincided with the international AIDS Day throughout the world.

“We were able to secure eight AIDS quilts and had two outstanding leaders in the LGBT community and the executive vice president of the American AIDS Quilt Organization as speakers. The event turned out to be a major success both educationally and spiritually. I was so proud of Temple Akiba’s commitment to diversity and social justice.”

Since 2002 Hirschberg has led a life transitions group serving Beth Chayim Chadashim’s LGBT community, plus workshops for child care providers contracted with the Center For Community & Family Services. She leads groups addressing issues of residents in retirement hotels, such as transition, health, relationships and loss of lifestyle, including a family caregiving group. She also provides individual counsel on issues stemming from bereavement, divorce, relationships, health, the economy, work and retirement.

A young man who started seeing her a few months after his father’s unexpected death acknowledgedthat “while our sessions won’t bring my father back, they absolutely do bring me not only comfort but also growth. Shirley has helped ease me into a new chapter of my life.”

“I don’t do psychotherapy,” Hirschberg clarified. “I deal with life issues and what’s happening today. Having seen how people grow by doing the work, I feel so blessed to be part of their process of healing. And I feel humbled that they trust me with their innermost fears. That’s part of the process of sleeping well at night.” 

Hirschberg, who can be reached directly at JMHMGMT@earthlink.net and through Temple Akiba at (310) 398-5783, emphasized that “no one has to do it alone.”

 

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