“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” – Herman Hesse
Everyday we experience a wide variety of circumstances and people. Some of them we like, others we would prefer to do without. Learning to navigate the waters and get the most out of our days, without getting bogged down in the less than desirable experiences, is an art form. The sooner we learn to choose what to take with us and what to leave behind the better.
This skill is something we encourage and develop in the students in our school district. In order for them to achieve their highest potential, each one must become a leader. They must learn to pilot their own vessel. They must choose what is valuable to them on their individual journey, and learn to communicate effectively with the people they interact with.
Part of the trick is learning to say yes when we mean yes, and no when we mean no. The most important yes is the one we make when no one else is around, deep within our own hearts. What are we saying yes to? What do we believe is true about ourselves? We can practice focusing on our positive qualities, and the outcomes we desire. We can start believing that we are worthy of those dreams. When we do, it becomes easier to say no to the things that are out of alignment with the momentum of our lives.
In lunch groups, I often work with students who internalize the troubles and negative energies that are going on around them. They secretly believe that they deserve to be treated poorly, or believe it is their job to tend to everyone else’s problems at their own expense. Often these are the empathetic, sensitive students, even if some of them appear tough or jaded. It is a joy to work with these students and help them see that they do not have to internalize all of that negativity. They can let it go and move on with their hearts’ desires.
The parent of a kindergarten student reported that her child was coming home feeling bullied. When another student made a cruel remark, her son would play it over and over in his head. In truth, he was the last person who needed to be worrying about those comments, however, he was sensitive and could feel the comments more deeply than some of his peers. By replaying the comments in his head, he was inadvertently giving them more power than a student who let them go in one ear and out the other.
We worked together, although it felt more like play, to help him see that none of those mean-spirited comments were true about him. He started to see that the students who were saying them were saying them to other students as well. He started to laugh at how personal he was taking them, and this freed up more energy for him to speak up for himself, and get his teachers involved. It did not take long for those students who were making fun of him to leave him alone entirely, and for him to get more enjoyment out of his school days.
Are you spending too much time focusing on the negative? As you let go of those thoughts and start focusing on the positive, you will have greater energy to lend to the things that bring you joy and satisfaction. You will be delighted as amazing new experiences and ideas come along to support you. You will feel empowered and capable of living a joyful, successful life. You are worth of the energy it takes to retrain your mind in a positive direction. Eventually you will wonder why those old ideas ever bothered you at all.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com.
