If you read my stuff each week, you are certainly aware of my preoccupation (okay, full-blown obsession) with the aging process and getting older. Aside from the obvious negative physical and mental elements of aging, there lurks other disturbing components—the non-personal, more subtle realities of evolution.
The element of this side of aging that bugs me the most is celebrity deaths. On Tuesday, Dec. 23, 2014, I had just finished my morning run, showered and prepared to read the morning paper before heading out to my part-time job. As I picked up a copy of the Daily Breeze and glanced at the front page I let out a short, muffled screech, “No, not Joe!” Below the fold was a small picture of one of my favorite rockers from the ‘60s and ‘70s. Joe Cocker had died of lung cancer!
Slowly but surely my childhood and young adult icons are dying off at an alarming rate. I can’t even remember who is alive and who is dead anymore. So you think I’m exaggerating? Here are a few more classic personalities who have passed away in 2015 just to jog your memory: Dr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy, Feb. 27; Percy “When a Man Loves a Woman” Sledge, April 14; Ben E. “Stand By Me” King, May 1; Ken “The Snake” Stabler, July 9; Omar Sharif, July 10; and Frank Gifford, Sept. 15, just to name a few.
So now, every time I pick up a newspaper I hold my breath before viewing the front page. Please, I don’t want to see a picture of Bob Dylan or John Fogerty anytime soon.
Another facet of marching toward the abyss is the way other people perceive, judge and treat you. A few years ago I stopped at a Vons store for the first time in years to buy some beer for an extremely important upcoming football game. I picked up a few snacks with my brew and proceeded to checkout. After paying my tab, the wimpy, skinny kid bagging my groceries asked, “Would you like some help with your bags sir?”
“Would I like help? They weigh like three pounds,” I curtly responded, “Do I look like I need help, Beaver?”
The lad apologized as the man checking my stuff answered for him in an abrupt manner, “Sir, we are instructed to ask every customer if they need help. It’s store policy. “
Now I felt like a paranoid idiot. I muttered, “Oh, thanks” and hustled out of the store. Lesson learned, kind of. My point is that with aging comes the inevitable onslaught of unintentional condescending references, especially from young people. I do get it! Heck, when I was 21 a person in their 30s was an old fossil with one foot in the grave. I get it, however, I hate it.
I’m trying to mellow out and not take my chronological seasoning so seriously, but it’s not easy. (See how I’m desperately searching for softer euphemisms for getting old.) So, if you are under 40, may I offer some unsolicited advice on what not to say to oldies but goodies?
When meeting a retired person, never say, “When are you moving to Florida, or have you thought about volunteering, or what do you do all day, or I bet it’s great to be able to take naps anytime you want to, or do you miss working!”
I must confess I do take an occasional nap. However, I’m not moving to Florida, it’s too humid. I am truly searching for the joys and rewards of the aging process; however, they are elusive. For my fellow seasoned citizens, here are a few quotes that just might put a smile on your wrinkled faces:
“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” – George Burns.
“Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes.
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom.
“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” – Anonymous.
“Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old.” – Jonathan Swift (paraphrased).
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Tags: the second half is the better half: How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were: Aging is not for the weak: Senile citizens unite against ageism.
