“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” – Winnie the Pooh
I have noticed that when I am doing my best teaching, I am also doing my best learning. By this I mean learning from my students and from my own experiences. If I wish to positively influence others, it helps to be aware of my own behavior, and to be in a flexible state of mind that allows me to learn as I go. This willingness to learn, and to admit that I do not know everything, has allowed me to make progress with students when they seem to be stuck in some way. Being willing to stand in front of the unknown and trust that the way will become clear is a valuable skill for anyone.
Every person is different. While there are certain techniques and strategies that we can use to support each other, it is important to recognize the uniqueness of each person. The best teachers that I have ever had, such as Mrs. Sleeper, my 11th grade English teacher, were the ones who honored me for being who I am. The funny thing is that all of Mrs. Sleeper’s students felt the same way. I believe it was because, one way or another, she chose to look upon her students with wonder and appreciation. I felt like the things I had to say mattered and Mrs. Sleeper was actually learning from me, just as I was learning from her. That is a wonderful feeling that brings about the most productive and satisfying learning experiences for everyone involved.
There have been many times in my life when I was not sure how I was going to get through what I had to get through. Whether it was financial, physical, or emotional, it was scary to not know what to do next. At those times, it was easy to slip into a victim mentality, and blame the circumstances, or something in my past, for the difficulties I was experiencing. Over time, with the help of some very wise people, I discovered that believing I was a victim only got me more tangled up in the situations I was trying to avoid. I was slowly taught to look at my own thoughts and actions, and learn from them. I started to see that whenever things are challenging for me, it is an opportunity for me to expand and learn valuable new lessons about life. Through tools, such as meditation and writing, I discovered ways to slow down and reflect on what is going on in my life from a more neutral place. It is from this neutral and receptive space that I have had the most simple, yet profound insights.
Self-reflection is a valuable skill for working with children. It is easy to believe that it is the child’s fault when things are not going well. In the past I wasted a great deal of time and energy getting upset at children for things that I could have avoided with minor adjustments in my own practice. What I have discovered is that by doing the self-reflection, and learning from my own process, it is easier to then pass on guidance and redirection to the children in my life. I feel more confident and I am less likely to get involved in power struggles when I am at peace with whom I am. Children are also more receptive to what I have to say when I am coming from a confident and clear place.
I find that any upsets that I am trying to conceal will get my attention in some way. It is better to take some time and hear myself out, or talk to a friend about what is going on inside me. I take the time to learn about what is going on inside me because sometimes I just don’t know. Once I have listened to whatever feelings are coming up inside me, I am amazed at how new insights begin to emerge. If action is required, it is always easier than I originally believed it would be. All of my relationships improve when I am clear about who I am and how I am feeling. All that is required is a willingness to learn.
Sometimes the hardest place to look is inside. It is there that we discover everything that we have been searching for on the outside. When we give ourselves the time and space we deserve, as well as the kindness and consideration that we desire, the world around us becomes a friendlier place. If there is a challenge you are facing, good or bad, take some time to sit with yourself and listen to whatever thoughts, memories, beliefs, images, and feelings are present within you. Then take a few deep breaths and thank yourself for bringing it all to your attention. Remind yourself that everything is okay and that learning is par for the course. Then sit for a moment and reflect on your situation from a relaxed place. The insights you gain about yourself, and the ideas you uncover will be priceless.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week, Wednesdays at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. For more articles, and a free, downloadable guide to connecting with children, go to www.TappingIntoGenius.com
